Is Lying a Developmental Milestone in Children?
- Unknown
She shared a video of someone saying that when children start to tell lies, it is a mental developmental milestone. And that it shows that they are now able to understand Theory of Mind. 😕
So, what is Theory of Mind?
In very, very simple terms, Theory of Mind is a concept in psychology that explains how people can have a point of view, perspective or state of mind (all termed mental state) different from another person. Up until age 4, children do not yet understand that people see things differently from them, and psychologists are still trying to figure out why this only happens before age 4. After age 4, they start to grasp the idea that people have thoughts different from theirs.
Using a relatable example, a child can hide behind a door or under a bed with their entire tiny legs or feet clearly sticking out, and think you cannot see them. They do not yet understand that you have a state of mind and view that is different from theirs. So long as they believe they're well hidden, they also think you believe same. Like I said, this is a very basic example. To better understand it, you might have to do some research (the Sally Anne test on YouTube is a good place to start).
Now moving on from the technical bit, my sister was asking if it's true that lying is actually a developmental milestone. From the person's argument, when children start lying, it means they are now aware of theory of mind and can assume that you would believe something else apart from what they themselves know or believe. There's some research linking both as well, and it's worth exploring.
As a Believer however, I think about these things differently. While I understand these theories of child development and understand how sensible it is to make these connections, I try to view them from a biblical perspective.
What do I think? I remember reading Genesis 8:21 after the flood with Noah and God promising not to destroy the earth with flood. The passage says:
...‘Never again will I curse the ground because of humans, even though every inclination of the human heart is evil from childhood..."
See that? The inclination of man's heart is continuously evil from childhood. Another translation has "from birth".
Everyone, including children, is born with a sin nature. This nature drives human behaviour from childhood.
Rather than call it a stage in mental development or an evidence of Theory of Mind, I'd say it's the fallen nature of man expressing itself as children come to be more self aware. Without the sin nature, it means there would be no lies and therefore lies would not be needed to prove they've hit a milestone in their growth.
Rather than looking forward to your child lying as a sign that they have hit a mental milestone, I think the focus should be on how we respond to children if they start lying.
Don't start yelling or punishing them because you think they have suddenly become bad or evil or are going to hell. And also don't start getting amused and always laughing over it. If they can see the kind of reaction they get from you when they do it, they'll keep repeating it and/or become scared of you. You want to be sure that they're not lying because they're afraid or worried about what you would do.
All of these might not seem like a big deal. But I see how society has evolved and "decayed" in its acceptance of perversion. Once there's research supporting a thing, that the thing was previoulsy considered a disorder or unacceptable, becomes irrelevant. It starts to "make sense" as we explain it away until it becomes law. And we know who the father of lies is!
Disclaimer: Opinions here are strictly mine.
Love,
Amazing Jesz.
Thank you , from your not so baby sister ❤️❤️ thanks for always answering all my plenty questions from childhood till my present 30+ state 😌🥰
ReplyDeleteHahaha...Thank you for always keeping me on my toes 🤗🤗
DeleteMany thanks for this article!
ReplyDeleteI can also attest to the fact that reacting negatively and/or punishing them when they lie leads to fear and more lies in the future. And it’s a difficult situation any parent would want to be.
It is very important to establish again that channel of love and trust that would make our children trust us with the truth no matter the situation or circumstance!
Look forward to more of this!
Yes, you are right. Establishing the channel of love that ensures trust is important.
DeleteThank you for your comment
Thank you for this. Please do more of this. God bless ma
ReplyDeleteThank you! ❤️
DeleteThanks a lot sis
ReplyDelete❤️
DeleteChildren begin to lie as their thought patterns or personalities develop. Some begin to lie as early as age 2+ especially if they have a lying adult around them.
ReplyDeleteThey lie as a result of the fallen nature. They do not need to be taught. It's the proceeds of the fruit of the tree of the *knowledge of Good and Evil*.
As they grow, their conscience and desires begin to conflict one another. Cause and effects also play in. The child begins to see consequences of his/her actions especially as guided by an adult.
I remember when my daughter was almost 3 and I had her baby brother at the time. She didn't understand what it meant to lie nor told a lie yet at the time. When I find her baby brother doing something in my absence (maybe putting a cloth/toy in his mouth), I would often say "and you were looking at him"...
One day, she came to report about the baby doing something again and added in her speech "... and I was not looking at him" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. I laughed hard in my mind but I understood she had began to reason. She didn't tell a lie but she tried to bail herself out.😂😂.
Children would lie as their thought patterns or personalities evolve.
It's inborn. We are all proceeds from the fallen Adam and like you quoted, "... man's heart is evil from childhood". Only a Regenerated child in Christ can truly begin to learn not to lie.
Children can however be encouraged not to lie as they are being corrected in love and by example.
This is really so true and really helpful...also encouraging. Thank you for sharing ❤️
Delete